I am the UK’s no.1 Asian divorce coach. I help men and women come through the dark tunnel of guilt, depression and stress that divorce can be. There is always light at the end of the tunnel and my job is to guide you through it. As your guide, I’m sure you’d like to know more about me and my journey.
I grew up in a very traditional Indian family. There was lots of love, plenty of laughter and amazing food. Growing up, I loved being outdoors, having fun with friends and family and also enjoyed falling into the plot of the latest Bollywood movie.
Despite all this, life wasn’t always easy.
I Felt Like I Was Trapped...
Growing up as a girl in a strict Asian family is not always easy. Sexism is an unfortunate part of our culture and as a girl growing up I always felt like I had less freedom than my cousin brothers. I wasn’t allowed to go see friends after school whereas my cousin brothers were and it was pretty much just go to school and then come straight back home with no other freedom.
More and more as the years passed I began to dream about getting married. I felt like marriage was my chance to be free. To live my own life with the man that I love and make my own choices. When I met my ex-husband, it felt like I was at the beginning of my very own Bollywood movie.
Things were great to start with. There was a ‘honeymoon period’ in which everything was perfect, and then slowly the cracks started to appear.
I knew that my husband liked his drink and to me, that was fine as he didn’t let it affect our relationship. At least, initially. For the first few years, things were great. What I didn’t know at the time was that he was lying to me about how much he was drinking. When my daughter was born, I naturally was very absorbed in looking after her and therefore had less time for my husband.
Due to this, he started to turn to the drink more and more often in my absence…
His Habit Spiraled Out Of Control...
Day by day, month by month, year by year things got worse. It was awful. I remember being at rock bottom, and yet even the thought of divorce racked me with guilt and shame. I felt like it was my fault that he was drinking and when my friends and family tried to tell me that he was addicted and was suffering from alcoholism, I refused to believe it, always defending him.
As things kept spiraling out of control, I tried everything to get our marriage back on track. Counselling, AA meetings, Hospitals etc… nothing worked and it just kept on getting harder and harder to make it work.
The thought of divorce started crossing my mind however every time I considered it I was racked with guilt and shame at having that thought. This went on for years until I was really at rock bottom, almost suicidal.
At that stage, I decided that if I couldn’t make my marriage better, at least I could make myself better. I started reading on personal development and building up personal self-worth. After years of slowly building my confidence, I made the best decision of my life. Divorce.
At the time though, it didn’t feel like that. It felt like my life was over. I was suddenly a single mother of 2 children with no job. We had already remortgaged our house to pay for rehab for my ex-husband and then I had to fight for a long time in court spending money I didn’t have to keep hold of the house.
The next few years were extremely tough dealing with everything that could possibly go wrong when it came to the legal and financial aspects of divorce. I faced so many conflicting and contrasting emotions. I felt guilt, shame, betrayal, loneliness, whilst also feeling free and happy, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Over many years of working through these emotions to the point where I was finally fully aware of my self worth and no longer felt guilty or ashamed what I realized is that there is very little support in the UK for women going through a divorce.
I wish I had someone who knew exactly what I was going through to hold my hand through all the emotional, legal and financial trauma I was going through. I wish that rather than wandering through the storm of divorce by myself with no support, looking for the way out, I could have had someone who guided me to the exit.
That’s what inspired me to do what I do today. Because I know how hard It was to go through that alone and I never want anyone to have to suffer the same way as I did. I have been where you are now, I have done it all, dealing with finances, representing myself in court, building a new life from the ashes of my marriage.
If you are going through anything like what I did, then I KNOW I can help you. Please don’t let yourself walk this journey alone. You are amazing and you deserve someone to remind you of that, no matter how hard it gets.
If you want to speak to me about how I can help you, I am offering FREE 30 minute sessions where we can talk through your journey and how I can help. Just click the button below and fill out your details to book a call with me.
I look forward to helping you come out this journey better and stronger!
Varsha.
Qualifications
I am a divorcee, and proud mother of 2 wonderful girls. I fought for my case myself, and stood strong against the society around me, my community and my own parents who raised me. I have been where you are right now, and I can tell you first hand that there are options, and you are not alone, there is a life after divorce! I am among the UK’s first accredited Asian Divorce & Breakup Coaches. I have written a e book-The confident Divorcee-Please feel free to ask for a copy
Mission
To empower, support and free Women & Men struggling with the challenges and loneliness of divorce, to move past the emotional roller-coaster and redesign their lives to what they want.